


Empath

by RaspberryTree



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Empathy, F/F, Future Los Angeles, Science Fiction, Secret Relationship, Workplace Relationship, Writer Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:05:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaspberryTree/pseuds/RaspberryTree
Summary: Lexa is a writer at ALIE, a tech mega-corp. One morning, she inexplicably wakes up with the ability to feel other people's emotions. Her next encounter with the office receptionist, Clarke, is a lot more powerful than she knows how to deal with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Moodboard.](https://lecrumble.tumblr.com/post/169664666453/empath-lexa-is-a-writer-at-alie-a-tech)

It's the last day of the week -- a glorious summer Friday with sunshine bouncing off the white walls of Lexa's apartment. She soaks it up, looking out the windowpane at the clear blue sky. It's an advantage living in a skyscraper when it comes to the view, even with the sea of buildings all around.

Lexa lets her damp hair down from its clips and finishes buttoning up her shirt. She grabs her briefcase on the kitchen counter and checks her watch: 8am. She leaves the apartment and taps her fingers against the handle of the briefcase throughout the entire elevator ride, distracting herself. She smiles tightly at the old woman who turns around to frown at her.

In the underground garage, Lexa presses the key button on her phone and waits for her autonomous car. It's a compact model, just a slight purr to it as it stops in front of her and the door opens. Lexa likes the sleek interior and wooden dashboard most. She puts her seatbelt on and inputs 'work' as her destination.

The ride to ALIE is smooth and Lexa enters the exterior parking lot at 8:28am, with spare time to stop at the coffee cart. ALIE's skyscraper is one of Lexa's favorites. The glass looks especially gleaming in today's morning sunlight. The garden in the front is immaculate and sparrows always flit around the fountain. Lexa has her issues with the tech corporation she works for, but it can't be said it doesn't care about its footprint. Even the lobby is a dream: spacious and welcoming with security guards Lexa has known and appreciated for three years now.

Past the lobby, she scans her badge and walks through the optical turnstile. She makes a beeline for the coffee cart, but the line is longer than anticipated. She checks her watch as the people ahead of her slowly move forward. When it comes to her turn, there are still Danishes left and Lexa breathes a sigh of relief. The coffee cart only has Danishes on Fridays and it's Lexa's favorite. She orders one and a large coffee.

As Maya, the cart vendor, bags her pastry and prepares her beverage, Lexa can't help but eye the remaining Danishes. She chews on her lip before making up her mind.

"I'll take another one actually," she blurts out.

Maya smiles and bags it, announcing her total. Lexa scans her watch to pay and then makes her way toward one of the five elevators. She stands in the back with her paper bag and coffee, watching as the doors open on each floor with a ding. On the sixteenth floor, she gets out and heads toward the glass doors of the ALIE news agency and magazine.

8:40am. She cringes.

"Good morning, Lexa."

Lexa turns to Clarke who sits behind the reception desk with her monaural headset on. She wears a grey blazer today. It suits her very much.

"Good morning, Clarke."

"Only twenty minutes early today?" It's said with a smile and Lexa can't help but smile back.

"There was a line at the coffee cart. Have any idea why?"

"Oh, probably the international board meeting on twentieth. I heard they've been walking on pins and needles all week up there. Every department head is worried."

"They still haven't been told what the meetings are about?"

Clarke shakes her head. "I could ask my friend in engineering if you'd like. Her NDA is absurd but it's no match for a bottle of whiskey at _Sherwin's_."

Lexa worries Clarke might get in trouble for that. "I'm sure we'll find out soon enough."

"Most likely, yes."

Lexa looks down at her paper bag, readying herself to offer one of the Danishes. Clarke beats her to the punch:

"Did you get a Danish? I couldn't resist either." She picks up an identical paper bag still heavy with its content.

Lexa stares at the bag with her mouth forming an O.

"Something wrong?" Clarke asks in a small voice.

Lexa shakes her head. "No, no. I guess I'll get to my cube now."

"Oh, all right. See you later, Lexa."

Lexa nods before turning around and walking down the carpeted path between the office cubicles. She drops her briefcase on her desk, puts her coffee on the coaster, and sits down with a sigh. She opens her paper bag and stares at the two Danishes, wondering if the second one will still be as good tomorrow morning. Probably not.

Lexa powers her computer on and waits a few seconds to log into her account. She checks the daily email blast, scanning down the list of bullet points and graphics on the agency's online performance. Unsurprisingly, with the recent news of the partnership with Greenest Corp, the leading force in renewable energy, the numbers have skyrocketed. It doesn't seem to make their editor-in-chief anymore relaxed though. Lexa can hear Jaha's sanctimonious tone in every typed word.

Lexa answers a few emails before opening up her latest article on ALIE's upcoming VR headset update. It's just one revision shy of being done before it's a go for publication on Saturday at 12pm, when the update rolls out. Afterward, she can get back to what matters.

HeartX, the permanent synthetic replacement for defective hearts, and the subject matter of Lexa's first cover article, is the only invention she's ever found truly fascinating. After seven months of research, several interviews, including with chief surgeon Dr. Ava Ludrow, and countless rewrites for the special edition, Lexa knows all too well about the importance of the device. In only a year, she witnessed the positive shift in the public's perception of it. It feels good to know her piece might help further it, possibly leading to more awareness and funding.

Next to that, the VR update is so inconsequential that Lexa feels half her brain fall asleep as she types. She finishes her coffee quickly, glancing a few times toward the reception desk. Clarke is on the phone every time she does, amiable and helpful as always.

After two hours, Lexa puts on her glasses. She still can't get used to ALIE's new computers. Something about the screen just seems to make her eyeballs burn, but she'll take her opinion to the grave. Considering the sales, it's not like consumers agree.

"Hey, Woods."

The voice immediately makes Lexa's skin crawl. Finn Collins leans against the wall of her cubicle sporting a particularly smug smile, but it's his greasy long hair pushed behind his ears that makes Lexa wish she hadn't looked up in the first place.

"Just had a very enlightening meeting with Jaha," Finn boasts. "Want to know what it was about?"

Lexa stares at him blankly. "No, but I assume you're going to tell me anyway."

"Has to do with… oh, I dunno, that nifty artificial heart everyone can't stop raving about?"

Lexa freezes. "What?"

Finn smirks. "I just got the cover."

Lexa shakes her head, in disbelief. "No, Jaha would've told me."

"Ah well, he sent me to pass the message along," Finn shrugs. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll reassign you soon. It's been a busy week."

Lexa gets up, feeling her surprise dissolve into outrage. "I don't -- fucking believe you."

She pushes past Finn and strides toward Jaha's office, passing the reception desk and Clarke's confused stare. Finn is close behind, pretending to be inconvenienced.

Lexa opens Jaha's door without knocking.

"Is it true?" She asks with barely contained anger.

Jaha startles in his seat, looking between her and Finn before he understands.

"Lexa, I was going to brief you earlier but—"

"Is it true?!" She repeats.

Jaha sighs. "Yes. I've given HeartX to Finn. He has a great track record with articles that deal with medical breakthr—"

"Dr. Ludrow knows me," Lexa interjects. "I've built a rapport with her, I've observed the surgeries—"

"And your research _will_ be included," Jaha insists. "This is a team effort."

"With his name at the bottom!"

Finn scoffs.

"Lexa," Jaha tempers. "This is our special."

"And you trusted me with it seven months ago, what could have possibly changed?"

Jaha presses his fingers together. "It's nothing personal."

Lexa tries to read his guilty expression. With so many recent and secretive board meetings, Jaha is sure to be feeling some pressure. Showing the recent rise in subscriptions would certainly work in his favor, if his leadership was ever in question. Lexa knows what that means.

"It's my average, isn't it?"

"Lexa, please—"

"You think Finn will get more traffic."

"That's come into consideration, yes."

Lexa feels her blood boil. " _Maybe_ if I got something other than software updates to write about, my readership would go _up_."

"Oh come on!" Finn interjects, "You made an article on bioluminescent energy sound like an academic paper. Who does that?"

Jaha looks down, seemingly in agreement.

"It was—" Lexa fumbles for words, taken aback by the barb. "I took a scientific approach so that readers could—"

"Look, Woods," Finn cuts in, "I'd be happy to give you pointers on attracting traffic, but it's Friday. _I_ need to start contacting my sources and digging into the research, so if you could hand over what you've got by the end of the day, I'd really appreciate it. Can we agree this is more important than petty credit?"

"How convenient for you to say," Lexa says between gritted teeth.

"That's enough," Jaha interrupts. "I'm sorry, Lexa, but the decision's been made. If you're dissatisfied with your assignments, we can discuss that later."

Finn leaves the office with a condescending shake of his head. Lexa knows what Jaha means by later -- later when the special is done; when the boards have left and he's off the hook; when the daily grind is back to normal. With a curt nod, she leaves the room.

Feeling her hands quiver, she quickly regains her cubicle. She sees Finn talking with Jasper Jordan and Nathan Miller just a few cubes away, no doubt boasting.

Lexa tries to stop her body from trembling so much. She's never felt this furious before; this completely _useless_. The update article is still on her screen and for a minute she considers trashing it all. It'd be so easy. One click and it's gone. But then what? Jaha uses it as ammo to fire her and some poor intern like Tris has to stay overnight to write it at the last minute.

Lexa sighs, glancing toward Clarke. She's on the phone again, nodding along and typing away. Lexa doesn't know anyone who works as hard as Clarke. She's the first one here and the last one out. If she has a bad day, she never shows it. It can be discernible sometimes, just by the way her smile falters a little quicker, or the way she keeps conversations shorter, but Clarke never complains. Lexa feels like an ass for even thinking about deleting the update article. If Tris stays overnight, Clarke does, too.

Of course, Finn chooses this moment to walk past her cube again. "Can't wait to read your article. What is it again? VR headset update? Exciting." He winks before walking away to his office.

Lexa nearly draws blood from how hard she bites the insides of her cheeks. She waits five minutes before grabbing her paper bag and walking toward the stairwell door. Time for a fucking break.

*

The terrace is nearly deserted when Lexa makes her way toward the garden area and crumples on one of the small couches. She sets the paper bag aside and covers her face with her hands, needing a moment to block everything out. She takes deep breaths, then leans back and looks out at the view. The area is made to be peaceful, and indeed peace comes slowly.

Lexa grabs her bag and bites into the Danish, chewing away as she stares at the sea of skyscrapers and smaller buildings. It's greener than one might think, with the terraces and rooftop gardens in full flourish this summer. Lexa finds that she could stay here a very long time. The air is crisp, the sun not too hot, and her presence is clearly not needed anytime soon.

She's on her second Danish when the door to the stairwell opens and footsteps click on the ground. Lexa glances toward the person distractedly, only to sit up straight when she finds Clarke coming her way. Lexa quickly brushes away some of the crumbs on her shirt.

"Hey."

"Hey," Clarke answers softly. She stops at the couch and then glances down. "May I…?"

"Of course."

Clarke sits down and clasps her hands on her lap. "I forgot how nice it is here."

"Most people do."

Clarke looks at her and then smiles. "Well the break room does have all the snacks."

Lexa looks away with a hum of agreement. They sit in silence for a bit, enjoying the small breeze.

"I'm sorry about the special."

Lexa finds Clarke looking at her with a gentle expression. Lexa should feel pitied, but Clarke's voice is always a comfort.

"Jasper told me," Clarke clarifies. "For what it's worth, he thinks it's a stupid move."

Lexa looks out at the sky and watches an advertising blimp disappear behind a building. "I should've seen it coming."

"How so?"

Lexa thinks back on everything; how the special fell into her lap, how things changed so quickly in the last few months, how Jaha never seemed to care about progress updates. It was always 'thank you, Lexa' or 'there's no rush, Lexa' -- never a word about the contents of her interviews or the outlines, never an answer to the questions she'd type in the margins.

"Jaha assigned it to me when nobody understood how different it would be from normal heart transplants. To him it was a cool looking gadget to slap on the cover. But then the surgery on that toddler happened."

"Little Aden."

"Yeah, little Aden," Lexa smiles. "The next morning HeartX is on everyone's lips and social feeds. Suddenly it's a  _gadget_ that the body doesn't reject… That works _better_ than the human heart. What we have -- the footage, the interviews -- it's hope for a lot of people with cardiovascular diseases. Jaha knows that. He also knows nobody reads my articles."

"That's not true."

Lexa pauses. "You're right, I'm very popular amongst VR geeks and angry gamers."

Clarke laughs, shaking her head. "No, I mean… Well whatever you have, I'd love to read it."

"Finn's version will probably be more fun. Colorful blurbs, motions graphs, sound effects—"

"I don't really care about graphs or blurbs. I just like your writing."

Lexa tries not to appear so thrilled that Clarke's actually read -- that Clarke _reads_ her articles. "You do?"

"Yeah. It's smart but it's also accessible. You don't take your readers for idiots. And I always feel like a human actually wrote it. There's heart -- no pun intended."

Lexa feels her smile growing. "Well, I… Thank you, Clarke. I wish my flatlined numbers agreed with you."

Clarke chuckles. "Numbers are numbers. Now you have a fan you can put a face to." Her headset lets out a sudden beep and blinks red. She wrinkles her nose and pushes a button. "Five minutes offline and this thing's already clogged with voicemails. I should get back to my desk."

"Okay."

"I'll see you later, Lexa."

Lexa nods, a little dazed as she watches Clarke walk back toward the stairwell.

Later, when Lexa gets back to work, she finishes the update article and sends it off, glad to be done with it. She pulls open her drawer and picks up the flash drive labeled HeartX. She takes out her modified files, her writing, and leaves only the raw footage.

When she drops the device on Finn's desk, he looks up at her with a smug smile.

"75 hours of raw footage to sort through, Collins. Have a _great_ weekend."

The smile his wiped off his face.

When Lexa leaves the office at 6:30pm, Clarke is still on the phone taking notes on a conference call. She looks up at her and mouths _Have a good weekend_ , and maybe Lexa smiles the entire ride back home.

*

 _Sherwin's_ is reasonably crowded by the time Lexa gets there in the evening. It's Neon Night this Friday, which means the inside of the club is in full _glow in the dark_ mode. Even the drinks are fluorescent.

Lexa spots Costia behind the glass bar sporting a bright white t-shirt like the other three bartenders. Some of them even have fluorescent body paint on their arms. The music is near deafening, but Lexa likes it this way. It helps shut down her thoughts. She squeezes herself between a burly guy and a couple in a lip-lock.

"Cos!" She calls out.

Costia is close enough to hear, and she spins around with a bright smile. Lexa doesn't comment on how everyone's pearly-white teeth are a little comical under a black light.

"Haven't seen you since the wedding!" Costia exclaims, reaching over the bar to hug her.

"You know work," Lexa apologizes.

"Need a pick-me-up?" Costia asks over the music. "Moscow mule?"

"Just a screwdriver."

Costia grins. "Playing it safe. Waiting for someone?"

Lexa thinks about Clarke, but shakes her head.

"One screwdriver coming up," Costia announces.

Lexa turns around to look out at the dance floor. The DJ is good tonight -- really good. She feels a little nostalgic. She used to come here all the time up until a year ago. She doesn't know how she got stuck in a rut so quickly. She can't remember the last time she allowed herself to have fun. HeartX put pressure on her, but she can't use that as an excuse. It started months before.

"There you go," Costia says, putting the cocktail in front of her. "It's on me."

"Oh I couldn't—"

"Shut up, Lexa. So what's her name?" Costia asks. 

Lexa takes a sip of her cocktail. Somehow Costia always manages to figure her out. "Clarke."

"Clarke? The receptionist Clarke?"

Lexa nods.

"She comes here with her friend sometimes. Raven something."

"Yes, from engineering."

Costia wipes a water ring on the bar. "I can't remember seeing them on Fridays though."

"No, Clarke hates theme nights."

"That so?" Costia quickly takes another order and busies herself making it, still keeping close to Lexa.

Lexa raises her voice a little louder. "She bails on every Halloween office party. And Christmas. And Valentine's day."

Costia laughs. "Sounds to me she just hates the office."

Lexa opens her mouth but stops herself. She purses her lips, considering. Maybe Clarke does hate the office.

"I don't know."

"My break is in ten -- want to talk outside?" Costia asks loudly.

Lexa nods, feeling unsettled. She finishes her cocktail quietly.

They meet up in the brick alley behind the club ten minutes later. Lexa feels like her ears are still buzzing. Costia puts on her leather jacket and stretches her arms over her head.

"Two more months and I'm never serving drinks again," she announces with a yawn.

Lexa leans against the wall with a sad smile. "You're really leaving then."

"Hm-mm. You should see our apartment. Camille's already packed half of our stuff."

"I'm happy for you," Lexa says. "Who knew back in college you'd end up moving to Paris to manage a restaurant."

Costia tuts. "Don't criticize your best roommate's grilled cheese skills."

"Oh I'm not criticizing, I'm downright insulting them. I'm sure your chef wife would agree."

They laugh together, remembering the four years in their crummy college dorm. Lexa knows she hasn't been the best of friends lately, but despite the distance she intends to make up for it.

"Hey, don't take too long to tell her, okay?" Costia brings up softly.

"Tell who -- what?"

"Come on."

Lexa runs a hand through her hair. "I don't know how she feels. She's sweet to everyone. I don't want to ruin it."

Costia raises a brow. "Didn't you charm a girl's pants off by just _smiling_ at her in our sophomore year?"

Lexa grins like a Cheshire cat. "That was a good night."

"Uh-huh."

"It's different."

"You love her."

"I just—"

Costia pushes away from the wall and places her hands on Lexa's shoulders. "It's going to be fine. Okay?"

Lexa nods before letting Costia engulf her in a hug. She knows they're running out of time and she wishes change didn't hurt so much.

*

The following morning is rough. Lexa wakes up feeling a tingle in her spine and a pounding headache. It's not a hangover because she just had the one screwdriver, but it has all the effects of one. She spends a long time standing beneath the shower, letting the warm water slide down her back.

She can't stop thinking about what Costia said. She does love Clarke. It's as simple as that. So how does something so simple make her feel so inept? Lexa knows how to approach women. It's approaching a colleague, a friend, that she's worried about. And wouldn't have something happened in the last two years if it were meant to be? Well, dwelling on it doesn't help the headache.

Lexa decides to relax this Saturday, unburdened by the stress of an upcoming deadline. She won't even check her readership stats. She knows the update is bound to upset some gamers -- those things always do, and somehow it's not ALIE that gets the flack but Lexa's goddamn social feed.

She eats breakfast while watching the news, her feet propped up on the glass coffee table. At one point, a window cleanbot glides down outside her windowpane and Lexa decides to watch that instead. It's a cute bot, oval but compact with a fancy squeegee. Once it's done it makes its way to the next windowpane with a whirl of its rotary wings.

Lexa finishes her oatmeal at the kitchen table, planning what to do with her free time. She wonders what Clarke does over the weekend. It must be nice for her to take off the headset for two days. Lexa can't imagine dealing with so many voices all week long. She'd be a terrible receptionist. She knows from break room talk that Clarke is looking to get a master in educational psychology though. Listening to other people's problems and finding solutions must be a particular interest of hers.

After cleaning up the apartment, Lexa finally makes her way outside. She keeps the elevator open for the teen boy that rushes down the corridor, thanking her when he steps inside. When the doors close, Lexa frowns and presses a hand against her chest. It almost feels like her heart is racing, or a spike of adrenaline just rushed through her body.

She glances at the teen who quickly types something on his phone, a smile on his face. Lexa looks away, feeling a wave of happiness settle in her belly. Suddenly the boy laughs at something he received, the sound spontaneous and high pitched. Lexa can't help but laugh too, overcome with amusement.

The teen stops and looks at her strangely. Lexa looks straight ahead, embarrassed by the giggle that escaped her. She doesn't _giggle_ , least of all for no reason. The happiness she felt just a second ago morphs into something else -- some discomfort mixed with impatience.

The doors open on the fifth floor and a mother carrying a child no older than five steps in. With no warning, Lexa feels different again. Her stomach twists and she's nauseous, like she could throw up any second. She hears the little girl whimper, prompting the mother to gently kiss her forehead.

"It's going to be okay, baby."

It's obvious that the child is sick, but Lexa is more terrified by the fact she can feel her pain. It changes again in a second, and suddenly it's not pain Lexa feels but intense worry, like a rope wrapped around her heart and squeezing tightly. It's the mother's own panic, but she doesn't let her daughter see any of it. Her face is the picture of calm, her arms tight and protective around her child.

When the doors finally open to the first floor, Lexa is out in a hurry. She takes a deep breath outside, leaning against the wall. The heaviness in her chest is gone, replaced only by her own confusion.

"Hey, are you okay?" A guy behind her asks.

Lexa turns around and nods absently. "Yes, thank you. Just catching my breath."

The guy approaches closer. He wears a backpack and looks about twenty -- probably a college kid from the campus nearby.

"You sure? I've got some water."

Lexa frowns, feeling lucky and confident all of a sudden. She looks at the guy who offers her a smile and his bottle of water, and now there's something awfully close to butterflies fluttering around her heart. _Someone else's_ fucking butterflies.

Lexa's eyes widen in horror. "Keep it," she says, rushing away as fast as possible.

The further away from him, the faster the butterflies die off. Lexa clings to her purse and makes her way down the street, looking all around her as if waiting for a drone cam to pop out.

Too busy looking up, Lexa bumps into an old man who yelps and grasps his shoulder. Something pangs in Lexa's own shoulder and her mortification doubles.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry—"

"Dad, are you okay?"

A woman in her forties comes out of the nearby pharmacy and hurries up to him. She sizes Lexa up, her eyes turning cold.

"Can't you watch where you're going?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't—"

"You could've pushed him down!"

Lexa nods, feeling small, but it's hard to grapple with the woman's anger swirling inside her.

"I apologize."

"Come on, dad," the woman coos, clinging to her father's arm.

Lexa wipes the sweat off her forehead and remains rooted in place, her heart beating wildly. This can't possibly be happening. She starts to feel tears well up, and God -- is she actually _crying_? She hasn't cried in years! When a screaming toddler in a stroller catches her attention on the other side of the street, his little face bright red as he sobs, Lexa knows she's in deep trouble.

*

Lexa locks herself in her apartment as quickly as possible and rushes to the bathroom. She splashes ice cold water on her face and taps her cheeks. She takes deep, long breaths, trying to think rationally. But it's hard being logical when none of this makes sense. She can still feel the sweep of other people's emotions, how different from hers they felt. Somehow she could differentiate the two -- how alien the little girl's pain felt, or how puzzling the mother's deep-rooted worry was. Her body seemed to recognize the source, too.

Lexa hopes it's some kind of reaction to all the changes in her life. Her body's rebelling and her emotions are all over the place, mimicking other people's. She'll even take some weird strain of PMS to explain it.

She decides to stay at home. A nice, quiet day where she can catch up on personal emails and her favorite shows.

In the evening, she treats herself to some comfort food. She orders a pizza and drinks a glass of red wine, wearing only her soft shorts and favorite t-shirt. The door buzzes after twenty minutes. Lexa opens it and feels some relief when nothing extraordinary happens. The delivery guy passes her the scan-screen and Lexa inputs the tip before scanning her watch. She gives him the scanner back and takes the pizza.

The bubbling excitement she feels from him when he glances at the tip makes Lexa's polite smile fall.

"Have a good night," she hurries to say.

"Thank you, you too!" He beams.

Lexa closes the door and slides down the wall with a groan of frustration.

Fuck.

*

On Monday morning, Lexa thinks she might have the hang of it.

The unexplainable, mortifying ability to feel other people's emotions, that is.

Yesterday was helpful in confirming it. She chose the spot meticulously. Every Sunday morning, a meditation group practices in the park by her home. Lexa's always been envious of their relaxed expressions, and so she figured why not give it a try.

Hiding behind one of the trees nearest to the group, she sat down and closed her eyes. When a sweeping sense of calm washed over her, Lexa tried clinging to it as long as possible. It worked for a few minutes, until the thought of being an emotional leech popped into her mind and her own guilt pushed out the person's tranquility. At least that meant she could control it -- somehow.

And it also means that although there's no rhyme or reason to it, thankfully it isn't entire crowds that Lexa can... feel. It seems the ability only latches on to one person at a time. Lexa counts her blessings for that one. There's no way she could manage thousands of streams at the same time.

Such are her thoughts on the highway as she makes her way to work. Lexa is a little late today, the result of going back-and-forth on if she should call in sick or not. At least the drive is smooth. She's waiting at a red light when she unexpectedly feels a spike of anger. It's jarring, to say the least, which means it doesn't come from her.

Lexa turns her head to the vehicle next to hers and notices a couple inside. The woman in the passenger seat is staring straight ahead, her face a pale color. Lexa can feel the hurt inside her, how heavy her heart is. The guy seems more stoic, but beneath that is shame. Lexa shifts in her seat, uneasy. She hates feeling the heartache of this couple. She tries to push it away by discerning her own feelings: anxiety, annoyance, confusion. It isn't exactly a buffet of delicacies, but it's more manageable than the couple's distress.

She's pleased to feel it work; like a weight slowly lifting off her shoulders. Maybe she really is getting the hang of it. When her car starts again, Lexa relaxes in her seat. The couple end up on a slower lane and they're out of range in no time.

Once the ALIE building comes into view, Lexa slips her pumps on and gathers her briefcase. The car auto-parks in her parking spot and unlocks her door before powering down. Lexa takes a deep breath before getting out.

She walks down the path lined by the perfectly round shrubs, hoping that her cube might provide some respite. A few feet away, on the street, she sees two high-school kids holding hands and stealing kisses as they walk. Lexa suddenly feels unbridled joy bubble inside her. Her guess is it comes from the boy. It almost makes her miss her own high-school years -- almost. 

Eager to hide from the world and its large emotions, admittedly, Lexa briskly enters the building and goes through the optical turnstile. With no time for coffee, she slips inside one of the elevators right before the doors close. She ends up pressed in the front, forced to feel someone's cranky mood as the doors open on each floor. She doesn't bother trying to figure out who it comes from.

Finally, Lexa gets out on the sixteenth floor. She shakes the grouchiness off of her and walks toward the glass doors.

"Good morning, Clarke."

She nearly stumbles when she feels it: warmth crashing through her body like a tidal wave. Her heart beats fast; both excited and tense. Her hands feel moist but her mood is uplifted. 

"Good morning, Lexa. Did you have a good weekend?"

Clarke's tone betrays nothing and neither does her smile. It's sweet but professional; courteous; the same one she'd give a guest. It's not a smile that could possibly hide a torrent of emotions. Lexa feels dizzy from the sheer strength of them all, overwhelmed and unfocused as she answers Clarke:

"It was lovely, t-thank you."

"Are you all right?" Clarke hurries to ask.

The sudden flap of concern twisting in Lexa's gut is now so overpowering that she has to turn away from Clarke, gripping her briefcase tighter.

"Yes, yes, sorry, I'll be in my cube."

She walks away in quick steps, her cheeks feeling hot and her pulse racing. She knows because she presses two fingers against her neck as soon as she reaches her cube. The concern coming from Clarke has only ebbed with the distance between them, but Lexa still feels the same flutters in her stomach and a sense of painful longing in her chest.

She knows the feeling all too well, but it's doubled now and it seems she'll have to stew in it all day. She turns on her computer and sits back in her swivel chair, tapping her foot as the screen brightens to the log in page. She closes her eyes and rolls her shoulders, trying to tilt her world back on its axis as she did in the car.

It's useless. The flutters still dance around in her stomach. Lexa opens her eyes and stares at the screen, pretending to be wholly focused on the numbers crunched over the weekend and attached to the Monday email blast. It's all a blur. She can't think past her arrival, past the reception desk, past Clarke. She sometimes fantasized that her feelings were reciprocated, but daydreams were just that… pleasant but fleeting musings on slow work days.

Lexa wonders if her own feelings didn't get in the way this time, that perhaps the ability's just made them stronger. Clarke just seemed so outwardly unaffected, whereas Lexa felt like she might crumple from the weight of it all.

It's love, but it's nothing like the couple in the car or the two teens on the sidewalk. It's the pain of unrequited love and Lexa feels her heart squeeze at the realization. She grabs her bottle of water and downs half of it, trying to cool down. It works a little. She reads the email again, skimming through the numbers and bullet points. Nothing surprising. It's just going to be another week at the office.

Another week if not for the whirl of affection and desire she feels for and from Clarke Griffin. She should probably do something about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had fun reading this because I had a lot of fun writing it!


	2. Chapter 2

Two hours into work, Lexa has devised a plan to act on her feelings. It’s a rather good plan. Lexa just needs to be sure of one thing before she puts it in motion.

At 11am, she takes off her glasses and runs a hand through her hair. She checks that Clarke isn’t on the phone before casually making her way toward the reception desk.

Clarke is reading something on her screen, absently chewing on her stylus pen.

“Hey.”

Clarke looks up. There's a flash of surprise in her eyes before she smiles. “Lexa. Hey. What’s up?”

Lexa's breath hitches in her throat as she feels Clarke's sudden thrill. Goodness, this could be addicting.

“I’m taking fifteen," Lexa manages to say without a stutter this time. "Do you want something from the machine?”

Clarke looks at her watch. “Already 11am.”

Lexa feels excitement bloom inside her. This time the line between her feelings and Clarke's is blurrier. She doesn't mind.

“I’ll join you,” Clarke says. She gets up and turns to look at Tris, seated at the desk she shares with Monty, another intern. “Tris, can you roll calls while I'm on break? I won't be more than fifteen.”

Tris nods, though she doesn’t look particularly enthused. Lexa remembers being an intern at a busy news agency and loathing phones.

They walk to the break room together, passing employees in their cubes. Clarke doesn't say a word and Lexa starts to worry when her eagerness turns to… well, the opposite. Lexa can't really place the feeling. Is she making Clarke nervous?

"Finn." Clarke suddenly says.

Lexa blinks and looks up, her body freezing when she sees Collins walk past them with a cup of coffee. He nods at Clarke, though it's not with the usual arrogance he exudes. If anything, he seems uneasy -- and he looks awful, too. His face is ashen and he can't have slept more than two hours in two days.

"Clarke. Woods."

He leaves the break room without a glance back, scrambling away with his tail between his legs. Lexa can't believe this is the same guy who took over her story with a smirk.

When Lexa turns back around, Clarke's mood has definitely soured. She heads straight for the coffee machine with tense shoulders. Lexa knows she needs to keep her distance when she realizes Clarke isn't just angry, she's goddamn furious.

It's remarkable how she keeps it locked inside. If Lexa had walked into the room on any other day, not feeling a thing, she would've thought Clarke was her usual self. She would've approached her casually, not for one second thinking a storm was raging inside her.

Lexa can't approach her now. Not when one step forward might make her head explode. She grabs a snack from the snack bar and turns to one of the empty tables, sitting down hesitantly.

Well, this was much easier when Clarke's love overpowered everything else.

_Much easier._

Lexa feels her jaw tense. Her own body feels strange. It's uncomfortable to be so angry without knowing why. Sure, losing HeartX was a blow, and seeing Finn always makes her grind her teeth -- but not like this. Nothing even close to this.

Maybe she should get back to her cube. She has the whole week to make her move. Lexa looks over her shoulder and sees Clarke stirring sugar into her coffee. She wonders if maybe Finn and her… but then why would she…?

Clarke turns around and they lock eyes like it comes naturally. Lexa doesn't look away, lost in her musings, and Clarke seems to relax. She smiles questioningly -- _what are you thinking?_

Lexa doesn't notice the anger ebbing away. One moment it's there, the next it's gone. Realizing she's staring, Lexa shakes her head and smiles back. She nods toward the empty chair in front of her. Clarke grins before making her way over.

"You okay?" Clarke asks as she sits down.

"Are you?" Lexa returns.

Clarke bites her lip and takes a sip of her coffee.

"It's been a long weekend."

Lexa has a lot to say about that, but something tells her Clarke didn't go through quite the same experience.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks softly.

Clarke looks around the room, but there are only three other employees munching on chips two tables away.

"Promise not to gossip by the water cooler?"

Lexa thinks about making a joke, because really she didn't even know they _have_  a water cooler, let alone a gossipy office culture, but she just nods instead.

"My friend Raven found out on Saturday that Finn's been cheating on her," Clarke explains quietly. "I've been the shoulder to cry on all weekend, and… I guess it's a little hard seeing his face knowing I can't punch it."

Lexa immediately sits up. "I didn't know your friend was dating Finn."

"No, well, Finn didn't want HR to know and Raven went along with it. It didn't really matter considering they rarely saw each other in the building anyway."

"I'm sorry, Clarke," Lexa cringes. "If it's any consolation, he looked like dirt."

Clarke lets out a surprised laugh. "Yeah, he did look rough."

"Your friend deserves better."

Clarke hums in agreement before taking another sip of her coffee.

"You're not getting coffee?" She asks.

Lexa blinks. She was going to head straight to the coffee machine but honestly Clarke's anger took her by surprise. Now that she's indulging in their shared affection, she has no desire to get up.

"I'm cutting down on caffeine," she lies.

"Oh, does it make you jittery?"

"No. Why? Do I seem jittery?"

Clarke smiles at the rapid-fire questions. "Not at all. It's just you always come in with coffee."

Lexa starts to feel her heart beat faster. She rubs the back of her neck, definitely keyed up now. Maybe feeling the same thing twice more powerfully is a bit draining on the body.

“Everything okay?"

Lexa focuses on opening her small bag of pretzels. “It's nothing. I just get the feeling it’s going to be a long week.”

Clarke nods in agreement. “At least the last board meeting is Wednesday.”

That gives Lexa pause. “It is?”

“Hm-mm. Raven thinks it’s about Greenest merging some of their departments with ours.”

“That would be a shakeup.”

Clarke shrugs. “We probably won't know for a while, but we have the room.”

“Not sure some egos around here would agree.”

“Finn will have to deal.”

Lexa pops a pretzel in her mouth and sits back. “I meant my ego."

Clarke lets out a laugh. Lexa can't believe how good it feels to be around her, to make her laugh, to feel the effect of it on Clarke.

“Right, well, I'm afraid you might have to share your cube," Clarke plays along.

“But where in the world will I put my figurine collection?”

“You call two bobble heads of Mario and Luigi figurines?”

Lexa's mouth drops open. “They're vintage, Clarke.”

“Do you even know what games those characters are a part of?”

Lexa blanks. She sits up with a frown. “Uh. The Legend of... the World...? Mario in Wonderland.”

“Not even close.”

Lexa sighs, giving up the act. "My nephews gave them to me for Christmas."

Clarke's smile falters a bit. "I didn't know you have nephews. Wait, I didn't even know you have siblings."

Lexa nods. "My parents adopted before they had me. Lincoln already has three kids."

"So you're the cool aunt," Clarke points out.

"More like the one who desperately wants approval from tiny humans."

Clarke shakes her head. "I'm sure they love you."

"Do you have any siblings?" Lexa asks.

"Only child, unfortunately."

Lexa eats another pretzel. "Queen of the castle," she murmurs.

"I wish I'd seen it that way back then."

There's a pause in the conversation, the both of them enjoying the time away from their desks. Lexa grows a little antsy when she glances at her watch. In five minutes they'll have to get back.

"Clarke."

Clarke looks up, catching her eyes. Suddenly she feels hopeful. It's a relief for Lexa, who pushes away her last shred of doubt.

"Would you want to get dinner with me?"

"Dinner?" Clarke asks in a small squeak.

Lexa pinches the corner of her pretzel bag. "Or lunch," she adds, though her heart drops a little.

Lunch means something different, especially between two colleagues. Clarke shakes her head, her hand gripping her coffee cup a little tighter.

"No -- dinner would be nice. Absolutely."

"Yeah?"

Clarke nods with a growing smile.

Lexa feels her heart burst in the most pleasant way. Why didn't she do this sooner?

"Tomorrow night?" Lexa asks.

Clarke bites her lip. "Could we do Thursday night? I've been leaving the office late because of the board stuff and I'd hate to swing by late _and_ still in work wear."

Lexa wouldn't mind that, but she understands the need to change out of work clothes after a long day.

"Thursday is perfect. Can I shoot you a chat box message with the details?"

Clarke reaches over for Lexa's wrist and holds it gently. She hovers her watch over Lexa's and waits for the small beep.

"This'll be easier."

Lexa stares at Clarke's contact photo and number on the small screen. She must be smiling stupidly because Clarke suddenly chuckles.

"You look good in this."

Lexa looks over at Clarke's watch, seeing her own face. It's pretty drab in comparison to Clarke's colorful background and friendly expression.

"My first mug shot."

"Ah. Let me guess: you actually stole those vintage figurines?"

"I hope my secret's safe with you."

Clarke's smile turns unbearably tender. "It's safe with me."

Lexa has a feeling she's talking about something else entirely.

*

Lexa knew she'd be ridiculously excited before their date, but the days leading up to it are the best of her life. Something changes between Clarke and her. Their business friendly conversations carry new undertones. It comes with knowing their attraction is mutual; that they're both interested in exploring the pull between them.

On Tuesday, Lexa heads to work feeling light and carefree. She's forced on the road to feel ripples of unpleasant things -- the spike of stress, the sucker punch of resentment -- but nothing too bad.

This ability's been a gift.

Lexa buys two croissants at the coffee cart, leaving a generous tip for Maya. Clarke is on the phone when she walks in, but she still mouths 'hi' with a wide grin. Lexa places the paper bag on her desk, playing coy when Clarke arches a brow. 

Back in her cube, Lexa frowns when she spots a similar paper bag. She opens it and finds a croissant. Sticking from it is a toothpick with a little paper flag that has a smiley face. Lexa looks up and sees Clarke wink at her. Nothing can bring her down that day.

On Wednesday, the lobby and the elevators are more crowded than ever. Lexa has a headache and it grows worse when she's squeezed in the back of the elevator. The last board meeting is today, and the apprehension in the air is a lot to take in. At one point Lexa feels like it comes from more than one person at a time, but it eventually fades and she forgets about it.

Clarke isn't at her desk when she walks in, replaced by Tris staring blankly at the computer. Lexa greets her and heads straight to her cube, deflating a little. She finds an orange post-it on her Mario that reads, _11am - terrace,_  and, well, Lexa isn't one to refuse that kind of invitation.

It turns out Clarke had to take over for Jaha's own secretary, on sick leave, and when she comes out on the terrace she stretches her arms high above her head. She joins Lexa on the small couch and props her feet up on the art deco table.

"You think I could send Jaha an anonymous e-mail telling him to go fuck himself?"

Lexa laughs out loud. When she finally gets a hold of herself, Clarke is staring at her.

"I know some people who'd be happy to help with that," Lexa finally answers.

"Your laugh is pretty amazing, you know that?"

Lexa doesn't want this moment to ever end. They grin at each other, and… god, Lexa really wants to kiss her. It must show because Clarke's smile slowly falls and her eyes flicker to Lexa's lips. Lexa feels a spark low in her stomach. It comes from Clarke but it makes her own desire grow. This could be dangerous on a terrace with only ten minutes to spare.

"Maybe we should head back to the break room," she says in a hoarse voice.

Clarke seems to like the sound she makes  _\-- a lot_ \-- and Lexa has to get up to stop herself from kissing her right there.

*

Thursday flies by. Lexa focused all her attention on finishing up her articles on various software updates and time was on her side. She popped two aspirins when her head started pounding after a few hours, but other than that it was all smooth going. Finn still looks like shit and to be honest Lexa gets a bit of a kick out of his frustrations.

At 6:30pm the office is clearing out and Lexa walks toward the reception desk trying to contain her eagerness.

"Hey you," Clarke says.

"So..." Lexa trails on. "9pm, _Carter's_?"

"It's a date."

Lexa smiles. "I look forward to it."

"Me too. Very much."

The drive home is slow because of traffic and Lexa feels something start to build inside her. Nothing to worry about -- traffic always makes people angry and of course she'd channel that. She'll just take the new metro line to get to _Carter's_.

Lexa takes a long shower to try and wash away the residual stress, but maybe she just needs to stop thinking about it. She's going on a date tonight -- with the most incredible woman, no less. She changes into a black dress and lets her hair down. She checks her watch: 8:25pm. Time to go.

She's lucky that the metro comes quick and the ride is short. There's still that sinking feeling in her gut though. She can't pinpoint where it comes from but it's definitely not hers. Lexa might be somewhat nervous on her own, but there's a fine line between that and outright fear.

She wishes the ability would shut itself down tonight. Everything needs to be perfect. Clarke deserves that and more.

 _Carter's_ is a romantic restaurant that's on the subtler side. The host guides Lexa to their table, where two flowers sit in a small vase. Other than that it's not overtly fancy, but Lexa knows the wine selection is heavenly and the food even better.

Her eyes start to burn a little and she squeezes them shut in frustration. _Not tonight, please, not tonight._ She hasn't even taken her glasses with her. She glances toward the entrance and feels her heart stop when she sees Clarke. She's wearing a deep red dress made of a light, summery material, red lipstick, and her hair in loose curls.

Lexa thinks her heart might give out just then. Clarke sees her and waves, walking toward their table. Lexa gets up to greet her, forgetting the world around them.

"Clarke. You look… stunning."

Clarke's giggle borders on shy. "Just trying to keep up. Maybe I'll wear this to work one day."

"You should absolutely do that," Lexa nods.

Lexa feels more relaxed once they take their seats. The waiter brings over some menus and leaves them after mentioning their specials.

"Do you like red?" Clarke asks, looking up from her menu.

"Did I not make it clear when you walked in?"

Clarke grins. "Talking about wine."

"Wine. Of course. Red is perfect, yes."

They order a French bottle that Clarke pronounces smoothly, making Lexa wonder just how much she doesn't know about Clarke Griffin. 

Clarke simply shrugs. "Canadian cousins."

Lexa is about to ask more when sheer pain suddenly shoots through her head. She cries out in shock.

Clarke is up in a second. "Lexa, are you okay?"

It's excruciating. Lexa cradles her head and squeezes her eyes shut, her mouth opening but no sound coming out. Her head is pounding, like someone has taken a hammer to it, and her heart is beating too fast. She vaguely hears other people getting up.

She feels it all abruptly: someone's confusion, someone's fear, someone's panic. Her body overheats and her brain races to process everything hurtling through her. She can't contain it.

"Lexa?!"

She gets up and collapses, writhing in agony on the floor.

"Call 911!" Clarke yells out at someone.

Lexa's muscles lock as she stares at the ceiling, mouth gaping. All at once she's someone's worry, someone's shock, someone's helplessness. There's dread in her veins, icy and violent. She gasps for breath.

As the people crowd around her and their voices rise in worry, Lexa feels the earlier feeling in her stomach expand and explode.

"Go away, g-go away," Lexa begs feebly.

"Lexa, can you hear me?" Clarke asks, kneeling beside her.

Lexa feels hot tears leak down her cheeks. She hears a child scream in confusion and the unintelligible string of murmurs. It's too much; debilitating. The throbbing headache spreads, making it hard to even keep her eyes open.

"Cl-clarke, make them leave, I can't stand it," she falters.

"Give her space!" Clarke shouts, her voice wavering at the end.

Just when Lexa thinks her head might really explode, she feels her body lock down. She tenses on the ground and gapes at the checkered ceiling.

She feels Clarke squeeze her hand hard before the world goes dark.

*

When Lexa wakes up, her body feels heavy and her mouth is as dry as cotton. She looks around the room: light blue walls, a large window with sheer curtains, and a door marked Restroom. The small beep that goes off confirms that it's a hospital room, but Lexa remembers what those rooms look like at the LA Medical Center. They're white, small, and the air is different.

And if Lexa collapsed at the restaurant, LAMC would be the closest drive for the ambulance.

On weak arms, Lexa pulls herself in a sitting position. She leans back against the large pillow and looks down at her gown. She checks the front for any lettering before spotting the logo on the sleeve: ALIE Medical Research. She groans. The last place she wants to be in is a private facility.

She hears footsteps and freezes. Becca Nelson stands outside her room as a nurse makes her way in and cuts off the steady beep.

"How are you feeling?"

Lexa struggles to refocus her attention on the nurse. It's not everyday one sees the CEO of ALIE, let alone in such a clinical setting.

"I -- I don't feel a thing actually," Lexa answers in a raspy voice.

The nurse goes to the restroom and comes back with a glass of water. Lexa drinks it all.

"Thank you."

"Yes, thank you, Lori," Becca says.

It's a dismissal, even if said in a respectful tone. Lori leaves the room with a polite nod. Lexa can't stop looking at Becca, who cuts an imposing figure in her navy blue suit.

"Do you remember what happened, Lexa?" It's asked softly, which takes Lexa by surprise.

"Yes, I… I started feeling…" she hesitates to say any more, as if it might label her as insane.

Becca enters the room and sits on one of the chairs. "Lexa, you've been transferred from LAMC because I think we can help you. You don't need to be afraid to tell us exactly what occurred."

Lexa swallows hard. Is it possible she's not the only one with this… condition? She licks her dry lips and allows herself to say the words.

"I can feel what other people feel. Their anger, their fear, love, everything."

Becca is silent for a moment, her expression like wonder.

"Can you feel what I feel now?"

Lexa shakes her head. For the most part she feels numb, and the edges of her vision are blurry.

Becca seems reassured. "Perhaps because of the painkiller."

Lexa looks up in surprise. "You believe me?"

"My position has made me an expert at spotting liars. You're not the type."

"When it started it was just one person at a time, but at the restaurant I—" Lexa looks around, suddenly realizing that Clarke is missing. "Do you know if Clarke -- Ms. Griffin is all right?"

"Ms. Griffin stayed by your side at the LAMC, but unfortunately we don't allow guests here."

"Am I contagious?" Lexa asks with a knot in her throat.

Becca immediately shakes her head. "No. In fact, Lexa, we believe you're the only person capable of exhibiting these symptoms."

Lexa's eyebrows crease in confusion, causing Becca to take a deep breath.

"I owe you an explanation."

"Please," Lexa replies.

"As you might recall, our offices installed our newest computers a week before public release."

"Yes, three months ago," Lexa remembers. 

Becca shifts in her seat, uncomfortable. "A year ago, at the beginning of manufacture, one of our computer engineers complained of migraines, blurry vision, and nausea."

Lexa feels a spike of concern. So it wasn't only her struggling to adapt to the new computers.

"It would always occur after a few hours on the computer," Becca continues. "Since the rest of the team had no such symptoms, we brought her here to run tests. It occurred to us her blood is NTB."

Lexa tenses. "I'm NTB."

Becca dips her head in a sign she already knew this. "Only hundreds of your blood type across the world, and fate would have two of you working for ALIE. It's quite something."

"I don't understand," Lexa says, "what does it have to do with the computers?"

"It's the screens," Becca clarifies. "Rather, what they're made of."

"Glastexom?"

Becca nods. "A material born in ALIE's labs."

"Yes, I've written enough articles about it to last me a lifetime," Lexa sighs. "What about it?"

Becca purses her lips in discomfort. "Lexa, we don't understand it yet, but blue light technology filtering through Glastexom seems to radiate something that NTB blood types react… differently to."

Lexa freezes. Now it makes sense to her why Becca has come here in person.

"Radiation?" She asks between gritted teeth.

"An emission of energy."

"I know what it means," Lexa retorts in a biting tone. "You're telling me you went forward with manufacture knowing full well it would harm certain people?"

"Only hundreds of you in the world," Becca stresses. "Simple statistics told us at most _one_ of you would purchase the new computer. One person that would likely return it or sell it after being dissatisfied—"

"I'm in the hospital!" Lexa exclaims. "I think dissatisfaction is putting it mildly."

An expression of guilt crosses Becca's face. "As I said, the probabilities of two—"

"Fuck your probabilities," Lexa snaps. "What are your solutions?"

Becca clears her throat. "Well, Luna Volfrom has stopped using the computer and we tailored a suppressant to help with the migraines and dizziness. It's been very effective, though she sometimes still feels nauseous."

Lexa shakes her head. "I was never nauseous."

Becca seems to grow paler by the second. "She was NTB+ and only exposed for five weeks. We wouldn't run any tests without your consent, but is it possible that you—"

"I'm NTB-," Lexa croaks. She knows there's even less of them -- a dying breed of sorts.

Becca nods. "We assumed so. Lexa, I understand your anger, but please believe that we will do everything to ensure you can go back to your normal life. It's already a great help to know the painkiller is curbing your symptoms."

"So what -- I live my life on drugs?"

"Not exactly. Like with Luna, we'll make sure the suppressant is suited to your needs -- that's to say suppresses whatever energy your body seems to be absorbing in close proximity to other people." Becca pauses, slightly hesitant. "I assume on Thursday that you felt more than one person's feelings?"

Lexa looks down at her hands. "I felt everything in the room."

"I'm truly so sorry."

Lexa shakes her head. "Your apologies are empty if you can't find a solution."

"We will. I promise you. And naturally all expenses are on us."

Lexa observes Becca; her facial features and how rigid she is in her seat. She doesn't need the ability to tell Becca is afraid. The repercussions from this becoming public knowledge could be enormous.

"This isn't just me," Lexa murmurs. "You put out a harmful product in the hopes _statistics_ would be on your side."

"Lexa—"

"You need to figure out why glastexom is affecting us, _fix it_ , or this won't end in my silence."

Becca swallows hard. "We are. We just need more time."

Lexa observes her for a few long seconds before nodding. "I'd like to stay at my apartment."

Becca seems to want to protest, but doesn't push it. She reaches for a laptop bag on the floor. "It's yours to keep -- no glastexom in the screen. Of course we'll be in contact, and you can reach us at any time for updates on treatment. In the meantime, our doctors do recommend you stay on the painkiller."

Lexa fiddles with the lining of the sheets. "I don't think I could take it again. All that energy."

"You won't have to. I assure you that."

*

After some blood tests, further exhausting conversations with two doctors and the pharmacologists who worked closely with Luna, Lexa is given a month's supply of the painkiller. She doesn't recognize the brand, but she didn't feel a thing when she walked out of the medical center and that's good enough.

Lexa doesn't trust Becca, or her people for that matter, but it's not like she can walk into another hospital for a second opinion. She'd rather avoid the pysch ward.

Becca has a man named Gustus sit in the front seat of the car -- a long, black auto with a sunroof. He doesn't say anything on the way to Lexa's building, but he seems rather calm and Lexa likes that about him.

When Lexa makes it into her apartment, the first thing she does is flop down on her bed. She buries her face in her pillow, trying to come to terms with what her life has become.

It was supposed to be a week like the others. She's a writer in a cube; a tiny cogwheel in one of the biggest machines in the world. She thinks back on what Becca said -- the  _probabilities_. Would she have gotten an ALIE laptop if she didn't work there?

Probably not. They're expensive tech monsters, and frankly Lexa only needs an interface to write. It's why she's only got the one tablet at home. She wishes she'd complained about her work computer sooner. It always gave her headaches but she chalked it up to her own eyes. Why didn't she say anything? Is it the same reason Jaha finds it so easy to screw her over? When did she become like this?

Lexa turns around on her back and looks at the ceiling. She pinches her arm but still doesn't feel much. A pang maybe. It's not ideal, but it's better than being subjected to the world's angst. She hopes her body doesn't get too used to the painkiller. She hopes the edges of her vision won't look blurry forever.

Lexa gets up and takes off her clothes, dumping them in the laundry basket. She needs to shower the hospital smell away. She steps beneath the hot stream of water and leans forward, pressing her forehead against the cool tiles. When she opens her eyes, she sees that her hand is clenched into a tight fist. She's angry.

She just can't really feel it. She relaxes her fingers and takes a deep breath, trying to calm her body. She wonders if she can still go to work. Probably not. She should've asked Becca. Her mind was a little preoccupied though. Becca's probably informed Jaha she's on sick leave anyway. It better be paid.

Lexa suddenly chuckles at the absurdity of it all. Here she is, her body exposed to months of incomprehensible radiation, her blood altered, numb to her own anger, her own sadness, wondering if she'll still get her month's pay. This can't possibly be real.

Lexa eventually gets out of the shower, smelling like her own soap and shampoo. She wears her soft sleep shirt and shorts, untangles her wet hair, and slips her feet in her slippers. She goes to the living room and lies down on the couch.

She spots the laptop bag near the entrance, where she left it before heading straight to her room. She doesn't think she can stare at any kind of screen for a while, not even her watch.

Maybe she should call her mom. It's well into the night on the East coast, though. And what good would it do to worry her? She wouldn't understand it over the phone. Costia? She's probably at _Sherwin's_ , her ears buzzing from the loud music. Lexa covers her eyes with the palm of her hand, needing pitch darkness to think.

She doesn't understand what could've triggered everything to go haywire at the restaurant. Maybe it was the universe's way of telling her to shut up. She abused the ability -- invaded Clarke's privacy, really. Lexa starts to feel more empty than numb. She should've fought harder against it. She got cocky instead, not thinking more seriously about what it all meant, where it came from, what it could do to her.

What if the suppressants don't work on this? Becca said it herself -- Luna was only exposed for five weeks. She didn't develop this. Her blood type is different. What if the only way to shut away the world is to pump her body with the painkiller? What does she lose next if she can't feel a thing? Her mind? Her conscience?

Lexa startles at the sound of the doorbell. She stays frozen on the couch, staring at the door and hoping the person will just leave.

"Lexa? Are you here?"

Lexa sits up and feels her first flutter of the day. Clarke. She sounds different; like her voice is a little hoarse.

"I brought food," she says, not very loud but still within earshot. "It's lasagna. I… I made it from scratch. I cook when I can't stand still."

It's almost as if she's talking to herself, losing hope Lexa is listening but still needing to get the words off her chest. Lexa tries not to imagine her -- just standing outside, maybe with her forehead against the door.

"Becca's assistant called me to say you were discharged and… I just wanted to know you're okay."

There's silence as Lexa continues to stare at the door. She can't bring herself to get up. It's like she wants to but simply _can't._

"Are you?" Clarke follows up with a sniffle.

It breaks her heart. Lexa shoots up and heads toward the door. She pulls it open, making Clarke jump in surprise. They take each other in -- Lexa with her damp hair, her tired eyes, her stiff body; Clarke with her hair wilder than she'd ever dare wear it at work, her misty eyes, her parted lips.

"Hi," Clarke says in a broken whisper.

"Hey."

Clarke is in her arms before Lexa can blink. She lets it happen, closing her eyes and glad she can at least feel Clarke's warmth.

"I'm okay," she finally answers.

Clarke pulls back. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry," Lexa murmurs.

They stand awkwardly for a moment, until Lexa opens the door wider and steps back. "Please, come in."

"Are you sure?"

"Well you brought food, didn't you?" Lexa asks with a soft smile.

Clarke blinks before lifting up her heavy paper bag. "Oh, yes."

She walks into Lexa's apartment looking a little nervous. Lexa closes the door and pulls two plates out in the kitchen.

They catch each other staring. Lexa bites her lip. "Thank you, Clarke."

"I didn't do anything."

"You made it less scary."

Clarke swallows back a lump in her throat. "I tried calling so many times to know if they'd contacted your family, but they wouldn't say anything."

"Oh. No, I guess they didn't do that."

Clarke's eyebrows crease, angered. "I knew it. I knew they wouldn't. That research center can't be legal. No visit hours, no phones—"

A smile tugs at Lexa's lips. "You don't have to worry on my behalf."

"Lexa, you collapsed in front of me. You were unconscious the entire night at the LAMC and no doctor could understand what the hell was going on. The next thing I know your room is empty and _Becca Nelson_ is telling me it's all under control. I thought I was in a fever dream."

"She's quite the figure," Lexa nods, turning around to get forks and knives.

"Lexa," Clarke pleads, defeat in her tone. "I know we're not… I know this must be so scary for you, but you don't have to go through this alone. I want to help."

Lexa sets the cutlery on the counter. She sees her warped reflection in the knife, wondering what she might feel if the drugs weren't in her bloodstream. She swallows back the lump in her throat.

"It's going to sound insane."

Clarke steps a little closer. "Well lucky for you, I'm studying psychology. I'm also a receptionist at one of the busiest news agency in the world -- do you know how many conspiracy theories we receive every week?"

Lexa turns back around and takes a deep breath. She couldn't tell Clarke the depth of her feelings, but she can tell her this. She just hopes it doesn't hurt Clarke like it did her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Moodboard.](https://lecrumble.tumblr.com/post/171028200258/complete-empath-lexa-is-a-writer-at-alie-a)

Clarke takes off her shoes and follows Lexa to the couch. If she notices the throw pillows in disarray, she doesn't say anything. They sit down facing each other, both remembering the last time they were close like this. Lexa desperately wants to mention their date, which was cut pitifully short by her own fault. She wants to bring up how happy those few minutes made her feel, how eager she was to appreciate every moment, to know Clarke outside of the grey walls of their office. Lexa doesn't think there's a more perfect sight than Clarke Griffin in a red dress smiling at her by the candlelight.

She owes her an explanation first. Lexa takes a deep breath and tells her everything. She starts like Becca did, with the new computers and Luna Volfrom; what her symptoms were and how they made the connection to her blood type, one that Lexa shares. Then she brings it back to her own symptoms: the headaches and the blurriness. Clarke takes it all in, her expression difficult to read. It's both a relief and a concern for Lexa -- a relief because at least she's not abusing her ability anymore; a concern because a part of her wishes she could tell how Clarke is feeling.

But Lexa hasn't even gotten to that part yet. It's nerve-racking, even if her mind still seems so fuzzy. At the first mention of radiation, Clarke gasps in horror.

"It's not what you think," Lexa is quick to clarify. "It's not dangerous in the way you'd expect."

"But at the restaurant you were in pain. That wasn't just nausea or a headache."

"I know it looked like physical pain, but it was something else. That's why the LAMC doctors couldn't figure it out."

Clarke's confusion turns to worry. "Lexa, what did the radiation _do_?"

"It…" Lexa struggles to find the words, worried no explanation could possibly sound real. It's not like she can demonstrate. This isn't flying or turning invisible. "Last Saturday I realized I could sense other people's… feelings. Becca worded it like it's a form of energy that my body absorbs."

She looks up, trying to gauge Clarke's reaction.

"I warned you it sounds insane," she adds with a weak smile. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."

Clarke seems at a loss, desperately trying to understand. "You sense… feelings."

"I walk in the street and I can tell if a woman is angry, if a kid is sad, or if a couple's in love. Sometimes it's just a flash, but still distinct enough."

Clarke opens and closes her mouth a few times, then her eyes widen. "Are you… now?"

"No," Lexa rushes to say. "The clinic put me on some kind of suppressant. Up until Thursday it was only one person at a time, and I thought I could manage it, but then—"

"You asked me to make them leave, that you couldn't stand it," Clarke suddenly recalls. "You felt… everyone in the room?"

Lexa nods again, letting Clarke process the information at her own pace. But she doesn't expect her to look away so suddenly, the color draining from her face.

"Oh god."

Lexa frowns in worry. "What is it?"

"On Monday, when you came in and you walked away so quickly—"

"Clarke, I'm so sorry, I know it was invasive and I—"

"What did you feel?" Clarke blurts out.

"What did I…?" Lexa gapes at her, unprepared for the question. "Well, you… It was… nice."

She wants to kick herself as soon as she says it. Nice doesn't even begin to cover it. When she walked into the office, she almost keeled over. The strength and warmth of Clarke's feelings made her feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Clarke buries her face in her hands. "I'm so embarrassed."

"No, don't be."

"I thought…" Clarke bites back a bitter smile. "But of course you'd ask someone out if you knew they were into you."

Lexa feels like a bucket of ice-cold water has been poured down on her. Clarke gets up and walks toward the kitchen.

"I shouldn't have come here." She takes out the container of lasagna from her plastic bag, hands shaking. "You're recovering and I just had to make it about me."

Lexa quickly gets up. "Clarke, stop."

"I'm such an idiot."

"You're not."

Lexa gently reaches for Clarke's arm so she'll turn around.

"I've been attracted to you for two years and it took me the equivalent of a cheat sheet to finally do something about it. If there's an idiot here, it's me."

Clarke finally looks back at her. "You have?"

Lexa nods, tired of keeping this locked inside. The stretch of silence goes on for a while, until Clarke suddenly looks awfully sad. It's a bittersweet moment; the admission on both sides kept a secret for so long.

"Two years."

"I know."

"We could've... I should've said something, too."

Lexa reaches out for Clarke's hand, watching as their fingers entwine naturally.

"I realize this has become much more complicated than you probably imagined, and I don't even know if this is rock bottom yet, but this, _us_ , it makes sense to me. I don't want to let another two years pass where I don't tell you these things."

"No, we're not doing that." Clarke squeezes her hand. "Um… did Becca talk about treatment?"

"Yeah. Luckily they can work from Luna's and the fact my body responded to the painkiller. Becca gave it a month, but honestly who works that fast?"

"The CEO of a multibillion dollar corporation that you could rightfully sue for every penny?"

Lexa purses her lips. "Fair point."

Clarke steps closer to her. "I can handle complicated, Lexa. And if it comes down to it, I can also handle your… extra empathy."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"I'm not sure I fully understand it, but… it brought us together, didn't it?"

Lexa marvels at the woman in front of her, and how golden her heart is. "If I weren't on drugs right now, I'd order our bottle of red again."

Clarke smiles before slowly wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck. It's almost intoxicating to be so close.

"If you weren’t on meds," Clarke murmurs, "I'd kiss you right now."

"That is very good to know."

"So… a month, huh?"

Lexa curses the drugs again. "Can we at least pick up where we left off? You mentioned Canadian cousins."

Clarke laughs. "I'm just wearing an ugly white shirt though."

Lexa can't help glancing down at Clarke's cleavage. "Ugly is not the word I would use. But look, I'm in slippers."

Clarke bites back a smile. "Fair point."

*

They end up on Lexa's couch again after finishing up the lasagna, both of them sipping on grape juice with their feet propped up on Lexa's coffee table.

"I don't think I've ever felt this lazy," Clarke says, her head resting comfortably against the back of the couch.

"I don't think I've ever seen you be lazy."

"The reception chair is way too uncomfortable for that."

The mention of the office has Lexa go quiet. She doesn't know what the future holds. Does she even want to work for a company that put her life in danger? What other things have they left up to chance? Sure she had her frustrations with the job even before she learned her computer was fucking up her body, but she still liked working there.

"I'm going to miss my cube."

Clarke turns to look at her. Her lips look redder, softer, and it takes a lot to resist them.

"I can bring you back Mario and Luigi."

"They might be contaminated."

"You think?"

"That's my excuse for leaving them behind anyway."

Clarke sets her glass on the coffee table. "Well, I'll keep an eye on your stuff."

"Thank you. For everything. I was worried you'd be… you know."

"I'm not mad, Lexa." Clarke murmurs. "Still a little embarrassed you felt me crushing on you hard, but I'm also kind of glad."

A faint robotic whirl draws their attention to the window, where a cleanbot outside sprays liquid on the glass and then cleans it with its squeegee.

Clarke chuckles. "Those are way cuter than the ones at the office."

"No contest. Who knew office budget cuts would extend to window cleaners?"

There's a slight lull in the conversation as they watch the bot do its work.

Clarke brings her knees to her chest, looking a little lost in thought. "Sometimes I feel so lucky to work at ALIE, because I've seen the good that comes from the tech, but then I'll get those reminders that it's money first and customers second, no matter what we claim, and I just feel like a fraud. I'm that voice on the phone that tells people their call is important to us, but really I'm putting them on hold because our editor in chief is too busy playing golf on the rooftop."

Lexa hums in agreement. "I wouldn't mind a voice like yours putting me on hold though."

She feels Clarke's foot poke at her thigh.

"What? I'm only human. I think."

"You are," Clarke asserts. "And you're going to get through this. A month might sound long but I'm going to make sure you don't go stir crazy up here."

"Oh I couldn't ask you to—"

"Good thing you're not asking."

"What about your night classes?"

"Lexa, relax. Organization skills are in my DNA."

Lexa doesn't protest any further, not sure why she even started in the first place. "I don't know how you handle everything."

"I do expect some tender loving care in return."

Lexa grins, then catches Clarke's ankle. "I can do that. And… In a month's time we could actually go on a proper date."

Clarke gives her an amused look. "What do you think we're doing right now?"

Lexa's not sure what gets her first: Clarke asking her that question in her raspy tone or the realization that they're on their first date.

"What? _No._ I wanted it to be romantic. I had a plan."

"I'm sure it was a good plan."

"The restaurant, beach, and then the Wine & Dessert Bar after a midnight swim."

"Uh-huh. Have you seen the movie _Jaws_?"

Lexa pulls at Clarke's ankle, making her shriek and then laugh.

"Seriously!" Clarke says. "I saw that when I was eight and it put me off swimming forever. I'm not even sure I can anymore."

"You know, as an expert in feelings now, I think it's time to confront your fears."

"What are you going to do -- drag me to your bathtub?"

"There's a pool in the building."

Clarke pulls back her foot with a soft grin. "As charmed as I am that you'd want to reverse my childhood trauma of mechanical sharks, you're still in quarantine."

"So I have a month to convince you."

"Go for it."

Lexa doesn't dread the weeks ahead as much anymore. She thought it would be hell before Clarke got here. Being alone with her thousand questions already felt like shit on day one, she couldn't imagine stomaching it any longer. But Clarke is right: she'll get through this. She'll adjust. She has to.

*

The weekend passes quickly and Lexa is grateful for that, even if her thoughts start running in circles on Sunday. Clarke has a busy week ahead, with some late night exams to top it off, and so Lexa offers to cook for her on Thursday.

She takes the painkillers religiously, one every morning. Sometimes it's scary to pinch herself and not feel anything, like she's only made of foam, but it doesn't affect her sleep and her focus gets better throughout the day.

When the week starts, Lexa actually gets to write for herself. Out of curiosity she checks her work inbox and looks for the email blast, but there's nothing there. She looks up ALIE in her news feed, but as predicted the bulk of it concerns the merger with Greenest. For the first time, Lexa reads about her company from a different perspective. She's not just an employee anymore. She's someone who could do serious damage.

There are a lot of people out there who'd pay her a nice sum to talk -- to expose what their mistake did to her. She could be set for life. She could create her own website, write what she wants independently, and be her own boss. She could fuck over a lot of people and it would be justified.

But as Lexa scrolls down the photos of Becca shaking hands with Greenest's CEO, Marcus Kane, she knows these aren't bad people. Money comes first, it's the rule of survival for these people, but it hasn't corrupted them. Over the last forty years, ALIE and Greenest have changed the world for the better, one step at a time. Lexa can't know for sure what goes on behind closed doors, and she'll fight for glastexom to be recalled if it comes down to that, no matter what the statistics say, but she's not looking to smear their name. Becca asked for time, and Lexa will give her that.

She occupies herself as best as she can, catching up on novels, movies, and even the VR games she writes about but hasn't even played in months -- tricks of the trade. It gets a lot slower after that. Lexa enjoys companionship and the silence of her apartment starts to get on her nerves. She briefly considers going against the rules and stepping out for fresh air, but the possibility of saturating her body with other people's energy again is enough to make her stop. The painkiller worked around Becca, the few doctors, and Clarke, but what happens if a crowd is too overwhelming again?

She sleeps a lot as a result. It's the best thing to do and it's nice to not get headaches anymore. She sleeps during the day and at night, naps on her couch, and even dozes off at the kitchen table.

That's how Clarke finds her on Thursday night, when she enters Lexa's apartment. Lexa let Clarke register her fingerprint in the door's lock-screen, something she justified as purely practical. Granted not even Costia, her oldest friend, has access to her apartment, but this is different. Lexa couldn't talk to anyone about the ability but Clarke… and it was her who offered to drop off supplies, homemade meals, and keep her company. Giving her a digital key was just common sense.

She just didn't expect Clarke to walk in when she snoozes on her kitchen table, waiting for the ding of the oven.

"Hey," Clarke coos in her ear, brushing away some of the hair stuck to Lexa's mouth.

Lexa blinks her eyes open. "Hmm?"

Seeing Clarke on the chair next to hers is enough to jolt her awake. She sits up quickly and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Clarke! I'm so sorry, I was—" she looks at the clock on the oven and then rushes to open it.

The chicken looks a little crispier than she'd like, but nothing disastrous.

"You must be starving. Let me grab plates and—"

Clarke reaches for her hand. "Lexa. I have huge news."

Lexa stops everything to properly look at her. She's in her work clothes but she's already taken off her blazer, revealing a light blue blouse. It's her smile that lights up the room though.

"Jaha is out."

Lexa blinks, not sure she heard her right. "Jaha is… what?"

"He's been let go of. Done. They're making the official announcement tomorrow."

"But I thought with his numbers—"

Clarke shakes her head. "I guess the board didn't like the direction of the content this past year. Numbers can't be all you've got to show for yourself."

A year. A year since Thelonious Jaha walked into their offices and slowly changed everything. It hasn't been all bad, but for the most part Lexa never gelled with his style. She can't say she'll miss him or his email blasts. Clarke is right, though: this is huge.

"Do they know who's replacing him?"

Clarke can barely contain her smile. "Does Indra Delany ring a bell?"

" _LA Chronicle_ Indra Delany?"

"The one and only."

Lexa sits back on the kitchen chair, though she doesn't let go of Clarke's hand. "I can't believe it."

Clarke chews on her bottom lip. "This is good news though, right? I mean, I think she'll be really good for growth."

"This is incredible," Lexa agrees. "How did they even manage to hire her?"

"I'm guessing a bump from managing editor to editor-in-chief sealed the deal. The Chronicle is probably kicking itself just about now."

"Should have let go of fossil Dante Wallace a decade ago."

"Right?" Clarke laughs. "Get with the times, old man."

Lexa chuckles, but suddenly her laughter dissolves into something else. She feels something break inside her. Her eyes water and she can't stop it, like a dam slowly lifting itself. She feels her body shake.

"Hey," Clarke murmurs. She steps closer to her and dabs at her wet cheeks with a tissue. "Hey, it's okay, you're okay."

Lexa sucks in a breath. "It's just been a long two weeks."

Clarke softens. "I know. But things are looking up, right? Sometimes it just takes a little while for everything to fall into place."

*

A while turns out to be eight more days. Lexa finds a groove when she realizes the building gym is open at all hours. At 3am every night, when the room is deserted, she works up a sweat for two hours. With music on full blast and a view of the skyline when the sun rises, Lexa starts to feel like herself again.

When she tells Clarke, she has to promise for ten straight minutes that she hydrates herself plenty. She gets the point: it's not the best thing to put her body through, theoretically, but practically? Lexa actually starts to wake up again. Her focus gets sharper even when the meds hit their peak, and her appetite comes back with a vengeance. She feels stronger and in control of her body again. And maybe it's just the time away from the damn radiation, but she's not about to give up on such an easy time killer.

It's nothing compared to Clarke though. Lexa could listen to her all night. It turns out her Canadian cousins are the tip of the iceberg -- there's a whole Griffin clan spread out in the world. Clarke has cousins in Ireland, in France, and in Australia. Sometimes they'll video chat at the same time, and Clarke swears her brain overworks itself just to pick out the different accents.

One Saturday, they stay up so late on the couch that Clarke falls asleep and Lexa doesn't dare wake her up. She drapes a light sheet on her and makes her coffee in the morning. Clarke wakes up frazzled thinking she's late for work, and it takes her a minute to understand why Lexa is fighting a laugh.

But it's a Monday night when Lexa gets a completely unexpected call, one that changes everything.

"Hey, Woods."

She nearly hangs up with clenched teeth. "What do you want, Collins?"

"I need your help."

Lexa stares at her phone, certain she's entered another dimension.

"I'm sorry," Finn says on the other end. "I messed up. I really, really messed up."

"What are you talking about?"

"HeartX."

Lexa freezes. "What the hell did you do? I swear, if you somehow taint their achievements—"

"I can't do it alone!" He answers in a rush, his voice cracking at the end. "I tried. I—I haven't slept in three weeks. I watched all the footage—but _you_ were there. That kid… you got to see them give him a heart that'll last his entire life. You got to see him run faster than his friends when months before he was lying in a hospital bed. This is going to change so much and I—I thought I could—"

"You thought you could get your hands on months of work and expect to catch up in three weeks."

"I'm sorry," he repeats, his tone a pathetic whimper. "Fuck, I keep doing this—I'm losing everything—"

"I don't want your sob story. You brought this on yourself."

"Please, just, give me a minute?"

"You have thirty seconds."

Lexa swears she hears him sniffle.

"Delany called me in her office. This isn't official yet, but ALIE is donating twenty million to HeartX. They really want to push this, help make the next prototypes more affordable. Anyway, the… the special's off the table."

Lexa's head starts to spin. "You lost me at twenty million. Since when?"

"First thing this morning."

"But why cancel when HeartX already agreed to only work with us?"

"ALIE wants a full virtual reality doc instead. They want to package it to show other investors. This… would be huge. I mean, if HeartX has the funds to expand its work on artificial organs, and if it could become a mass production—"

"No patient would have to be put on waiting lists."

She hears Finn let out a shaky breath. He's overwhelmed, and she starts to understand why.

"This doc could actually help skyrocket awareness and money," he says, as if Lexa hadn't dreamed about this the moment she got the assignment.

She swallows her anger down. "Well congratulations, Collins. I guess you got yourself the golden ticket."

"No, no, I'm going to tell Delany it was you. It was all you and you should be the head of the team."

Lexa sits up, surprised, but mostly trying to figure out his angle. "So now that you've realized you're in over your head, you give it over to me? That's bold."

"There's no excuse for my behavior."

"No, there isn't."

"I just want this thing to be the best it can be," he offers meekly. "And I know you're the only person who can get it there. And if you'll have me on the team, I can promise you I'll give this everything. No complaints, no douche moves. I'll even write your other assignments."

"You're fucking kidding, right?"

He pauses. "Oh shit, no, I don't mean it that way! I just meant I'll take them off your busy plate—"

Lexa pinches the bridge of her nose. "Just shut up and let me think, Collins."

"Sorry."

She puts her phone aside. Her head is swimming, dizzy from Finn's word-vomit. It's a lot to take in: ALIE donating so much to HeartX; the implications of their labs growing; packaging a doc that could push research so much further. Of course it doesn't all rest on their shoulders, but this is a start. Lexa could have a team and actual equipment. There's so much they could do.

"All right," she finally says. "But I want to be on a conference call with Delany when you tell her."

"Absolutely. I'll set it up for tomorrow."

He grows uncomfortable by the lack of a response, starting to stammer a bit. "Um… Is everything good with you by the way? I heard you were on sick leave but—"

"We're not friends."

"Got it."

Lexa sighs. "Look, I don't know if I want you on any team, but at least you got your head out of your ass."

"Thank you. I mean it. I won't disappoint."

"You better get some sleep. Last I saw, you looked like death."

"Feel like it, too."

"Maybe next time you think about screwing someone over, you'll reconsider. And Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"If you pull this shit on me or anyone else again, you're done. I'll make sure of that."

After the call ends, Lexa is two seconds from exploding with relief when she suddenly remembers Clarke and her friend Raven. Shit.

*

"It doesn't really surprise me," Clarke tells her on Wednesday, sitting at the kitchen table opposite her. Her mouth is full of pastry and there's chocolate mousse on the corner of her lips - both sides.

Lexa really doesn't want to interrupt her considering the topic, but it's hard to focus when she looks this fucking cute.

"I mean, he kept taking days off for "research" and pushing back his meetings with Indra. Eventually she marched right into his office. I think he might've pissed himself."

"Um Clarke—"

"But I'm really happy Indra isn't holding this mess against you. If anything she's probably relieved he's not in charge of an entire team."

"Clarke, you have some—"

"I still want to punch him, but I get it. And by the way, Raven is over it. I took her to _Sherwin's_ and she scored a bunch of phone numbers without even trying. Oh that reminds me, I think Costia's really worried about you—"

"Babe!" Lexa interjects.

They both stare at each, unblinking.

"Did you just babe me?" Clarke asks.

"I'm sorry, it's just that you have mousse on your mouth and I'd rather tell you than have you believe I'm just staring at your lips like a creep."

"Oh." Clarke wipes the chocolate off with her paper napkin. "All good?"

"Hm-mm."

"By the way, don't think I don't expect you to stake a claim on these lips one day."

Lexa props her chin on her hand, stupid in love with this woman.

*

On the last weekend, it's almost like Lexa's body knows there's just a few days left. The meds just seem to… stop working from one second to the next.

Lexa knows it when she's at the gym and she suddenly feels a spike of adrenaline surge through her body like a lightning bolt. It surprises her so much that she trips off the treadmill and falls back, landing hard on her cheekbone.

It doesn't crack but it sure as hell doesn't feel good either. Lexa rolls on her back and stares at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. Her body is waking up, and it's not waiting for Becca Nelson's call to do it.

"Fuck."

*

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"

Lexa is sat at the end of her bed, her head tilted up as Clarke, in a summer dress, dabs a wet cotton ball against her scraped cheek. She invited Clarke for breakfast the day before, and needless to say her bruised face didn't go over very well.

Mostly, it's the fast pounding of her heart that Lexa is worried about. She got so used to being around Clarke on the drugs that she forgot they also curbed her lovesick symptoms.

"It's fine."

Clarke presses a hand against her forehead. "You feel hot."

"Yeah."

Clarke arches a brow. "Yeah? Are you saying you're hot?"

Lexa stares at her, the morning light catching Clarke's eyes and hair.

"Lexa…?"

A flash of Clarke's confusion -- but mostly, mostly, Clarke is more in love with her now than Lexa ever felt before. It knocks her breath away.

"No, I'm saying that I'm… _feeling_ … again."

"Oh. But not pain?"

Lexa shakes her head, eyes flickering to Clarke's lips.

"Maybe we should get—"

Lexa lifts her hand to the back of Clarke's neck and kisses her before she can finish her sentence. She hears Clarke's intake of breath and then feels her lean into her, kissing her back with every ounce of desire they held back for too long. Before she knows it, Clarke is straddling her and Lexa moves her hands to her waist, moaning when she tastes her tongue.

There's no stopping after that. Clarke presses her body flush against hers, and Lexa doesn't know how they waited this long. It's the buildup of a month of pent-up need and two years of silence.

"Lexa, Lexa," Clarke pants against her mouth. "We _shouldn't_ —" she says, though she claims Lexa's lips just a second later.

Lexa shakes her head, kissing down her neck while Clarke closes her eyes and slides her fingers in her hair. Lexa feels her entire body awaken as she kisses lower still, brushing her lips over Clarke's heaving breasts.

"I want to be with you," she says. "I want to feel you."

Clarke kisses her hard, her tongue flicking at her bottom lip. Lexa spent so long ignoring her body that all she wants to do now is listen to it. Her hands slide up Clarke's soft thighs, slowly pushing her dress up.

"I want to be inside you," she whispers in Clarke's ear.

"Lexa, god— _fuck_."

She feels wrapped up in Clarke's lust and her own, unsure if she could ever come down from it. She gets her answer quickly, when the watch on her wrist starts to beep with a call.

They both look at it on instinct, breathing heavily. _ALIE medical research_. Clarke curses and hurries off her lap, brushing her thumb over her lips.

As much as it is a cold shower, it's also what they've both been waiting for a month. Lexa swallows hard, heart beating for a different reason now. She squeezes Clarke's hand and taps the speaker button.

"Hello?"

"Lexa, hello. It's Becca Nelson."

"Becca. Hi."

"I have great news. We'd like to drive you to the clinic as soon as possible. Are you up for it?"

Lexa looks over at Clarke, who's still trying to catch her breath with kiss-swollen lips. She nods in encouragement.

"Yes. Absolutely."

*

They get there in under an hour. Gustus opens the door for them in the underground parking lot. He seems even taller than Lexa remembered him.

"No guests," he tells Clarke.

Lexa frowns. "I'm not leaving her."

His eyes slide over to Lexa as he scratches his beard. "Clinic policy."

"It's all right, Gustus," a voice says from behind him.

Becca Nelson's heels click on the ground as she walks toward them.

"Miss Griffin is welcome to join us."

Lexa starts to feel odd as soon as Becca comes closer. Is Becca… intimidated? By her? No, it's not exactly that. It's closer to worry. Lexa holds power over her, over the company, and it's not a situation she would be accustomed to.

"Shall we?" Becca asks, motioning toward the elevator.

Lexa feels Clarke's hand brush against hers, discreet and gentle as ever. The car drives itself into a parking spot as they enter the glass elevator.

Once inside, there's a lot of waiting around in small labs, just to make sure Lexa's last painkiller is out of her system. They spend the day there, with Lexa going from doctor to doctor to run last tests on her body's changes in the past month.

A biomedical engineer comes in eventually and pulls out more diagrams than Lexa knows what to do with. He talks about the suppressant, which at its most basic is a single shot. In more complex terms, the shot is an actual micro-device that will settle in her bloodstream, actively suppressing the intensity of the energies—Clarke snorts at that—her body absorbs.

"So I'm a giant magnet?" Lexa asks at the end of it.

"Yes, in a way. And the device will act to decrease your… uh, magnetic field."

The engineer then leads them down the hall to another room, one that looks much more like a doctor's office. Lexa sits on the cushy exam table, looking around. Her eyes settle back on Clarke, who seems just as in awe of the medical tech around them.

"About the…" Lexa hesitates, yearning to bring up their kiss.

"Don't worry about it," Clarke answers. "This is more important right now."

Lexa chews on her lip, still feeling like they should talk about it. Clarke notices and glances back at the open door before leaning over to kiss her. It's short but tender.

"We have time. I'm not going anywhere."

Becca and Dr. Nyko Geflon, who sports a beard as equally well groomed as Gustus', enter shortly after. Lexa nearly recoils at the intensity of three distinct feelings hitting her at once: Clarke's worry; Becca's jumpiness; and the doctor's mix of apprehension and thrill at working with something so new.

"Can everyone just—" Lexa exclaims. "Stop feeling so loudly? Please."

"My apologies," Nyko says.

"Perhaps I should step out," Becca offers.

"It's no use," Nyko insists as he opens his small carrying case. Wearing exam gloves, he pulls out a sizable syringe full of a transparent liquid. "If this works, it'll be immediate. Are you ready, Lexa?"

Lexa takes a closer look at the content of the syringe. At first it doesn't seem like there's anything in it, let alone a device, but Nyko lifts it higher to catch the light.

"It's still dormant, right at the bottom."

Lexa finally notices just what seems like a dark speck.

"When you said micro…" she trails off.

Nyko chuckles. "We meant it."

"And this won't affect anything else? Travel around my body? Create clots?"

"We tested it over a hundred times on our artificial circulatory systems before Luna Volfrom was injected with one similar. Even with the significant modifications to yours, and our subsequent trials, it's never failed. This will settle near your spine and remain there. _If_ for any reason at all it were to dislodge after final positioning, it's programmed to dissolve. In that case, you can call us immediately."

"At any time," Becca adds.

Lexa glances at Clarke, who gives her a soft smile.

"All right. I'm ready."

It's a quick process. After Nyko is finished and cleans up the trickle of blood, he sets his timer for a minute. They all stare at Lexa, holding their breaths.

She doesn't feel a thing.

Until she realizes just that.

There's incredible stillness in the room -- not even a wisp of Becca's stress. Lexa turns to Clarke, closest to her, and focuses on her, suddenly feeling warm again. It's different from that first time and yet the same. Clarke's hope, her love, seem to be absorbed in a way her body and brain process easily. Lexa can't explain it, but a part of her is glad the ability isn't gone entirely.

"I can feel Clarke," she murmurs.

"How would you say you're taking it in, compared to the first time?" Nyko asks her. "Do you feel a difference?"

"Yes, it's… I wouldn't say muted, it's still strong, but it's not as… Before it was like a battle between my own feelings and others, but now it's…"

"It's become symbiotic," Becca offers.

Lexa glances at her, agreeing as soon as she hears it. "Yes."

"And the range will decrease progressively," Nyko says. "This means over the years it'll likely dwindle to only physical contact."

"A few years..." Lexa looks at Clarke again. "I think I can manage that."

Becca lets out a sigh of incredible relief.

"Lexa, I want to extend my apologies again," she says. "Your body was still irrevocably changed and there are no excuses. As for glastexom, we're removing it from our present and future products. Two people were harmed because I erred on the side of chance, and it isn't a mistake I'll ever make again."

*

By the time she's discharged, it's already night again. It's been a long, draining day, and they're silent on the drive back to Lexa's apartment. After the car drops them off, Lexa is hesitant to speak. The breeze feels incredible outside, but Clarke still seems unusually quiet.

When they step into the elevator, Lexa suddenly presses the top floor on impulse.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asks.

Lexa pulls her closer and kisses her, soft and slow and with intent.

"It's been a month, and there's one last thing I need to do."

Clarke looks like she's in a daze, and Lexa tries hard to pretend she doesn't feel the increasing intensity of their desires. She pulls her outside of the elevator when it dings, grinning when she hears Clarke gasp behind her.

"Lexa, no way!"

"Come on," Lexa insists, leading her toward the glass door that reads POOL.

"I'm not doing it!"

Lexa starts to laugh, feeling Clarke's excitement. Oh this could be so very practical in the future.

"You want to, I can tell," Lexa calls her out.

They make it inside, which to Lexa's delight is deserted. She starts taking off her shoes and shoving them in one of the lockers, never looking away from Clarke.

"I mean, you can leave if you want," she says with a shrug. "But I'm celebrating."

She takes off her top and jeans, and then walks backward toward the safety pool barrier. "Your call."

Clarke gapes at her, then hears what can only be described as an elegant splash. Still in her dress, she enters the pool area and briefly glances around, noticing the gorgeous view of the night skyline. When Lexa resurfaces, she looks happier than ever, her body now fully awake.

She swims toward Clarke, who stands on the edge of the pool, and bites her lip.

"Give me your hand, darling."

"You're going to pull me in."

Lexa smiles before extending her hand. Clarke sighs and takes it, crouching down and fully expecting to be pulled. Instead, Lexa leans up and kisses her, then brushes her wet nose against Clarke's.

"I love you," she whispers.

She looks into her eyes and wishes Clarke could feel the extent of her feelings, too. Perhaps she does, because the next thing she knows, Clarke is kissing her again and leaning further down. Lexa wraps her arms around her waist and gently pulls her in the water. She smiles when Clarke lets out a small squeak against her mouth and finally settles in her arms, her dress now wet and clinging to her skin.

"I love you, too," she says, barely containing her own grin. "I guess we made good on our promise."

Lexa nods, embracing her tightly. "No more wasting time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this wacky sci-fi story :) There might be smuttier outtakes in the future. Come find me at lecrumble on tumblr if you'd like to chat!


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